8 Easy Action steps to a Happy Marriage

Part 1

Whoever said marriage is easy?  Marriage is constant work.  I think the more time and energy that you put into your marriage the better it will be.  You can’t just assume your marriage will be ok if you go about your day and don’t put effort into it.  We all have needs.  Men have needs; women have needs. If we don’t pay attention to our spouse’s needs, then they will suffer and show up in different ways throughout our marriages. Here are 8 Easy Action Steps to a Happy Marriage.  These steps are not the way you have a happy marriage, but they are ways that will help you have a happy marriage.

Gregg and I celebrate over 28 years of marriage.  It seemed like yesterday when we tied the knot, but wow we have had some ups and some downs.  I look back over the years, and most of our issues would come when one or both of us were not paying attention to our marriage and nurturing it the way it should be.  A Happy Marriage is hard, but you will be so satisfied and happy when you are focused on making your marriage the best it can be.

8 Easy Action Steps to a Happy Marriage

#1  Take care of your appearance

Let’s just hit this one right the bat.  Sometimes as a stay at home wife we let our appearance fall along the wayside and focus more on our homes and your family’s appearances.  It is so easy to get up, rush around to get your family out the door, and then you jump into your daily routine.  It is so easy to let the day get to you, and you don’t fix your hair, put on your makeup or even change your clothes.

A wise woman shared with me one day this wisdom.  She said, “Sweetie, your husband is out all day long with women that are dressed and has taken time on their appearance.  You don’t want to compare yourself to them, but don’t you want to take time and make yourself pretty for when your husband walks through the door? ”  That is so true.  My husband is meeting all day long with people.  I don’t want to be the worst looking one he saw all day long.

Each day, take time to do the following things.  Simple but makes your appearance much better.

• Change your clothes into something other than yoga pants or pajamas.
• Brush and fix your hair.  You don’t want to still have the bed head at 5 p.m.
• At the minimum, put on some mascara and lip gloss.
• Spritz yourself with some warm vanilla or something soft.  You have been working all day, freshen up with just a subtle spritz.

#2 Keep your home orderly and inviting

Greet your husband warmly when he returns home.  I remember when the kids were younger.  There were many days I looked forward to Gregg returning home.  I wasn’t thinking about the joy of seeing him but the pleasure of possibly getting a break from the kids.

The home is a place of refuge.  A place of refuge for you and your husband. Don’t make him feel like he is transitioning from one job to the next.  Make your home welcoming, for when he walks through the door, he is greeted and knows you are glad he is home and missed.

Watch the time during the day. If you have to, set the alarm 30 minutes before he arrives.  This way you can settle the children down and get ready for him to be home.

None of us want to walk into our homes and feel unwelcomed or not missed.  Create a place of refuge for your husband to come home to.

I have made it a habit to stop what I am doing and as soon as I hear the door open, greet him with at least a hello from across the room.  As well as within the first 2-3 minutes, hugging him and kiss.  There is nothing more important at that moment than to greet him and welcome him home.

#3 Show affection consistently and openly

When the kids were younger, they would get so embarrassed because we would kiss and hug in front of them.  Now it is just familiar to them to see us loving appropriately on each other. Affection is one way to reassure your children that mom and dad love each other as well your spouse is your priority.

Just like above, stopping what you are doing when your spouse walks through the door, you need to always send them off with a hug and kiss.  Don’t make it mandatory to do but stop what you are doing and go to the door with them.  Send them off knowing you will miss them.

Don’t sit on an island in the living room.  Join your spouse.  Join them on the couch or laying on the floor.  Don’t become the couple that has their chairs and never cuddle while watching a movie.  You are missing out if you do.

#4 Listen and share kind loving words

Are you listening to me?  I can hear Gregg saying those words to me over and over for a season in my life.  I thought I was listening, but apparently, my reactions were telling him otherwise.

Being heard is so important to everyone.  Share your day with your spouse. Share what is happening and going on. Listen to the details of what they are saying.  There are many times your spouse isn’t ready to tell you the full story, but they will start filtering it in conversations.  I know when my husband is dealing with issues that he isn’t ready to disclose, he will always begin to flesh them out with me in conversations.  He starts with a very general discussion.  If I am listening, I begin to learn his heart and the direction he is thinking.

Your tongue is a two-edged sword.  Do you remember the saying “Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Whoever came up with that is wrong.  You’re out of control tongue can be the most damaging thing to your spouse. Saying words that hurt is the worst.  The reason is that words can be played over and over in someone’s brain and eventually that person will start to believe them even if they are not true.

Be careful with your words.  Speak words of truth but with kindness.

To Be Continued…

This is the first 4 steps of the 8 Easy Action Steps to a Happy Marriage.  Come back next week and you will be able to read the last 4 that I feel and practice for us to have a Happy Marriage.