5 Biggest Mistakes I Made As A First Time Host
Married at the young age of 19. I thought I had it all together at 19. That was a huge misconception on my part. I really had no clue about hosting let alone being a wife. An amazing support group I had with my mom, mother in law, and sisters but a TON bumps and bruises along the way trying to figure out this hosting gig.
Wise Council and good examples were all around me. This young wife thought she knew what was best when having people over.
Our first home was a precious 2 bedroom wood slat home. You could literally stand at the back door and see every room in the house. It was tiny. With the house being tiny, there should have been tiny gatherings. But Gregg and I were the first in our friend group to get married, so we were the place to hang out. I thrived on the fact that we were the place for friends to gather.
With large gatherings brought stress that I didn’t realize was building. Also, along with the stress of the size was the inexperience of how to show grace and welcome each person into our home. I look back at it over 28 years ago and now chuckle. I had no clue and the mistakes I was making was harmful to our marriage as well as friendships.
5 Biggest Mistakes
Biggest Mistake #1
The biggest mistake I made was making the gatherings more complicated than it needed to be. Spending hours in the kitchen prepping the food. I had to have the best food and the best presentation. Exhausted before even the first friend arrived. Now, remember, this was usually for our friends, which were ages 19 -20 as well. They didn’t care what they ate, they just wanted to hang out.
Like I said, exhausted before the first guest arrived. Being snappy with Gregg, zoned out and didn’t make my friends feel welcomed was my attitude. This didn’t make my family enjoy having people over.
Biggest Mistake #2
Cleaned too much the day of the gathering. This falls in line with the first biggest mistake. Cleaning too much the day of the gathering. I would procrastinate and not get the house ready for guest. If preparing the food wasn’t stressful enough, I was stressing about the bathroom being cleaned, the pillows fluffed, and the floors mopped and vacuumed.
The worst part of this was I never felt like the house was clean enough.
Biggest Mistake #3
Not letting all the guest know they are welcomed is probably the one that hurt my husband the most. I was really good at hugging my girlfriends’ necks and tell them I was glad they were there. I was not as much with my husband’s friends. So this in turn cause issues with my husband and me and with my husband and his friends. I look back over this and realize this is one reason my husband’s friends slowly quick coming over as much.
Being unwelcoming to people looks different in each person’s eyes. Hense this lesson learned was a hard one. I did not realize in my young age the guys even care about feeling welcomed. As I look at it now, So, if they are important to my husband and even now, my kids, I need to make sure they are just as valued as my best girlfriend is.
Biggest Mistake #4
Not enjoying the guest. It seemed like I was always busy when we had guest over. Setting the table. Running to get something. Telling Gregg what to do. Yikes, that was not a good thing I learned quickly. I did not take the time and just sit and enjoy my company. This is the same company that I worked all day to prepare for their arrival. I missed the important part of the night. I missed getting to spend time with them.
As a result, you can see with mistake #4, Guests were being entertained by my husband and I was being a busybody. This is the story of Mary and Martha all over again. Therefore, I was frustrated little Ms. Martha and Gregg was like Mary, sitting and soaking up the friends.
Biggest Mistake #5
Not Appreciating my husband for what he brings to the table when entertaining our guest.
[clickToTweet tweet=”Biggest Mistake…Not appreciating my husband for what he brings to the table when entertaining our guest ” quote=”Biggest Mistake…Not appreciating my husband for what he brings to the table when entertaining our guest “]. Can you imagine flames, daggers and big huffs coming from me? It really happened. I would get so angry. Due to the fact that I felt like I had done all the cooking and all the cleaning and he just sat there. This fueled the flame more and more each time we had guest over.
While I was fuming, he was being the gracious host. The one that sat with the guest. Furthermore, Gregg was the one that found out how their day was going or what was important in their world. I just knew how they reacted to the food that was served to them.
Yet, it never failed, when all the guest were gone, Gregg was up and helping clean the dishes, taking out the trash and making sure the living room was put back in order. Why did I not remember that at the beginning that he always did that? I don’t know. Call me stubborn or maybe just spoiled.
Learning from these mistakes…
It took probably 2-3 years before I caught on and adjusted these mistakes. I was a slow learner. I slowly started to learn the importance of hosting and what really needed to happen for someone to feel loved and welcomed. While it was a little late to mend some friendships of my husbands, I made sure I welcomed each and everyone that walked through my door and also made sure they knew they were valued.
My menus became more simple and I started cleaning my house on a schedule to just keep my house clean. This made the day of easier because I was not having to start from scratch on cleaning.
If you are a seasoned host and have the advice to give, I encourage you to leave a comment for our young host to read or jump over to the facebook page and share there. We all need to be sharpening each other.
Have you read the 5 Must Haves for Entertaining? I would love to hear if you have any “Must Haves” to add to the list.
Oh, Let me share with you the best DIY Flavored Coffee Creamer too! I love this recipe and it is so easy to make.